Your Matter Isn’t Urgent…Don’t Flag Your Email

This isn’t a website-related rant but one that hits home for many heavy web users, nonetheless.

Most people take issue with the sheer number of emails they get. Those of us who spend a lot of time online get inundated with way too many messages, especially when you throw social networking notifications into the mix. A friend picks his nose and three social media websites instantly notify me.

My inbox is more flooded than a menstrual cycle victim during Hurricane Ike.

Some people (like myself) simply deal with it, and others have solutions such as reducing outgoing mail or reducing their email reliance all together.

But my problem isn’t with the amount of email, but with Microsoft Office’s little red exclamation point starring me in the face.

The geniuses at Microsoft thought adding the ability to mark an outgoing email message as “Importance: High” would be helpful. Yeah, it’s about as helpful as teaching sign language to the blind.

Even the brains behind Crystal Pepsi, the Babe Ruth trade, the Michael Richards Show, Pets.com and Jean-Claude Van Damme’s agent thought it was a bad move.

Unless someone is dying, please don’t consider your message worthy enough to sport the exclamation point.

Are you a surgeon in the middle of an oophorectomy and needing to fire off a quick question? Are you in a skydiving freefall with a chute more twisted than a Stanley Kubrick flick?

Tagging your email message as urgent reminds me of a little boy in kindergarten who’s just dying to answer the teacher’s question. He raises his hand but it’s not enough. He jumps up and down and says, “Oh, Oh Oh! Pick me!”

Have an urgent matter? Pick up a phone or walk two cubicles over.

Madonna and Angelina Jolie Cause More Viruses Than a Runny-Nosed Prostitute

There’s a 2% chance you’ve already been offered an opportunity to see Angelina Jolie or Madonna naked.

According to the latest report by the research team at Secure Computing, email spammers have been using and abusing Madonna’s name in the subject line of many virus-infected mass-mailings.

Promising a scandalous video of the 50-year-old music legend, spammers based in the Republic of Moldova have been distributing malware that causes annoying pop-ups.

This makes Madonna the most enticing email celebrity. Previously Angelina Jolie held the crown as the Most Used Name in Email Spam queen.

Does anyone else find it odd that Madonna is luring so many clicks? Of all celebrities, she’s the one you pervs most want to see naked?

Give me Heidi Klum, Eva Mendes, Katie Holmes or Miley Cyrus (is she 18?). Hell give me Matthew McConaughey (just to see what I’m up against).

In August alone, Secure Computing caught 12 million spam emails with Angelina Jolie’s name in the subject line.

If email spammers really wanted to entice a click, they’d use Sarah Palin. We can’t get enough of the vice presidential candidate.

She’s all over the social media websites, TV stations and newspapers. She’s also dominates SNL, eBay, CafePress and my dreams.

Palin’s a bigger internet phenomenon than the Star Wars Kid. She clips her toenails and CNN sends Anderson Cooper to investigate.

Who’d entice you the most?

Blogosphere Touches Itself Over Google Chrome

Over the weekend, Google announced the upcoming release of its own website browser Google Chrome.

Tickle Me Elmo riding a Segway to the theatrical release of Star Wars wouldn’t even generate this much hype. In just a matter of hours, Google stirred the blogosphere like a martini rejected by James Bond.

All Google developments get major attention. In fact, you can’t take a dump at the Googleplex without it being reported across the AP news wire.

I subscribe to a dozen or so RSS feeds, including my own (also known as RSSturbation). Every single one had a blog post about Google Chrome.

Some simply announced the launch, some offered live tracking, some gave personal opinions and Matt Cutts had a heart attack.

At this rate, Google Chrome has the potential to dethrone Sarah Palin as the most discussed topic on the internet. That’s a lot of buzz for a software application that stole its design from a 1980’s electronic game.

If John McCain’s hot running mate starts using Google Chrome on her iPhone while on the set of The Daily Show, I’m going to explode.

The Most Infamous Girl in the History of the Internet

We’ve all seen her. You’re innocently typing a website URL into the address bar, make a typo, and there she is.

She’s the “parked domain girl”, and she’s been viewed more than the Paris Hilton sex tape or Miss Teen South Carolina’s inspirational eloquence on domestic map shortages and the South African education system.

(See an example at why5.com)

Demand Media is the company responsible for pimping out this girl on empty websites set up to generate money from accidental visits. The Demand Media business model is this — scoop up generic or keyword-rich domain names and sell advertising space despite the lack of any iota of useful content.

It’s not exactly spamming, but it’s just one notch above mass emailing Viagra ads.

This poor girl was harmlessly walking to Psych 301 class and smiled for a snapshot. Now she’s being exploited more than Miley Cyrus or teenage Chinese gymnasts by people who take domain name monetization too far.

How the guys behind this sleep at night is beyond me, but apparently they do so in a bed of $100 bills.

Who is she?

Does anyone know who she is? Does she get paid per page impression? The Baha Men swiped 10% royalty every time “Who Let The Dogs Out” played. I can only hope this girl has a similar arrangement.

In an attempt to solve the riddle behind this infamous portrait, I looked closely at the background and now believe she is standing on the University of Texas campus next to the famous 307-foot tower.

Here’s my photographic evidence:

What do you think?