You’re Not Worthy of Your Own Social Network, Despite Reassurance From Parents

September 8, 2008


Before mammoth social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn, the only “networking” you did involved 600 free hours of AOL and the Teenage Basement chat room filled with “a/s/l?” requests.

Social networking then entered the fray and helped bring together like-minded virgins. I have no problem with engaging in this form of community, despite my lack of virginity.

However, the trend didn’t stop with social networking sites. Suddenly it isn’t enough to simply be a member of a community. You think you need your very own self-centered universe.

This is where sites like Ning and CrowdVine surfaced to fulfill your inflated ego by allowing you to create and manage your very own social network.

What’s with the youcentric world? Are you the sun?

So Time Magazine named you Person of the Year in 2006. Big deal. Every 13 year old with a webcam, or anyone who’s ever downloaded the complete 3rd season of Stargate also shares that honor.

And so do Hitler and Stalin.

Even the third-party social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter let you broadcast every menial detail of your life. Some think this form communication is useful to the world. Myself and others think it’s about as valuable as an Elvis Presley Chia Pet.

“Tina is: feeling happy because her science project got an A+”…no one cares, Tina.

“Edward is: nervous about his date this weekend”…keep it to yourself, Ed.

Your mom, dad and pet turtle are the only ones who think your important enough to have your own social network.

Want to know if you’re really worthy? Unless you’ve appeared on the cover of Newsweek, People, Sports Illustrated, Reader’s Digest, Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, National Geographic or Playboy…you aren’t.

Update: I just came across another service called Smirk, which lets people with no lives share their mood with video emoticons. It is officially the end of the world.


8 Responses to “You’re Not Worthy of Your Own Social Network, Despite Reassurance From Parents”

  1. Dwayne Charrington on September 17th, 2008 6:21 am

    I wouldn’t class someone being on the front of National Geographic as an important person. But maybe I am just jealous because I unfortunately haven’t had the privledge of being on the front of National Geographic, yet.

  2. Jeff Smithson on September 23rd, 2008 1:45 am

    Well put. I can think of a lot of people who need to read this post. Keep it coming!

  3. Fred Hopkins on September 23rd, 2008 2:39 pm

    What if I was accidentally caught on camera during a local news story, does that count?

  4. BigG on October 12th, 2008 5:59 pm

    You say “You think you need your very own self-centered universe”… isn’t that exactly what you’re doing on this website?

  5. David on December 12th, 2008 7:10 pm

    I think it is promoting not only delusions of grandeur, but also dual personality, Dissociative identity disorder, and now if you wnat to commit suicide you can think you have an audience, It reminds me of Bruce Almighty when he can hear all the voices, minus the whole Jim Carrey part

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